As a freelance copywriter, I get quite a few work proposals.
Some are serious and thoughtfully-planned projects. Some are brief inquiries about vaguely-described pages of copy and how much they will cost. Some are...
Something else entirely.
This is - to date - the best email I've received since starting work as a freelance content writer:
Mr Maiden, Sir:
I am writing to you with notification of my intent to use your image in a fictional oeuvre over which I have been recently pouring my creative sauces. I am a plain man, so let me speak plainly: you are attractive. I like your visage, your face and your name; you have good origins, and I have been quite inspired to make you the hero in my forthcoming series of novellas.
These novellas – 10 in total – tell the story of one young clerk from Bristol, the dashing Mr. Benjamin Maiden Esq., who is kidnapped by the press gang on his bachelor eve, only to be drafted into the service of King George’s Royal Navy. But our Mr. Maiden is a resourceful fellow. He mourns the life he has lost, and his sweetheart Millie… but when war is suddenly declared he resolves himself to duty and climbs the ranks, proving to be a stalwart and heroic naval commander.
Are you familiar with the “”Sharpe”" books, I wonder? – by an author of your own honourable nationality, a certain Mr. Bernard Cornwell. I have a mind to follow a similar format with the naming of my own novellas, so that young Mr. Benjamin Maiden Esq.’s adventures shall be told through the followingly titled ten volumes:
Maiden’s Standard
Maiden’s Virtue
Maiden’s Fayre
Maiden’s Voyage
Maiden’s Honour
Maiden’s Blush
Maiden’s Tale
Maiden’s Mourn
Maiden’s Leap
Maiden’s Song
My work has already begun, sketching characters and setting the scene (“”’Twas a wild night at the Llandoger, with pots ‘o ale a plenty and a bawdy tune that plays from the band as young Ben lad enjoys his final eve of singledom””).
I write you simply to express gratitude. You have been a beautiful muse to my creative stew, and I thank you for giving noble birth to such a terrific, dashing, gentleman-hero character.
Yours indubitably,
J. P. Rodderick III
Huntsville, Alabama
Isn't that brilliant?
Every time I need a little laugh, I pull it up!
I mean - given where in the world it came from (hint: not Huntsville), the references and the people I know who live there, I'm 99% sure who wrote it.
But still, reading it for the first time made me actually snort out a little bit of tea.
Benjamin Maiden, Esq. signing off.
Have you decided to create your own fictional series with me as the dashing protagonist?
Or do you have an actual enquiry about using me as your one-man copywriting agency?
Either way, let's chat! You can contact me here or log in to leave a comment below.